How would it feel if you accepted the radical thought that you don’t need fixing or healing? That you’re not broken? That you can stop wondering: what is wrong with me, and start accepting everything (the good and the seemingly bad) about yourself now. Right now?
How would that feel?
What if it wasn’t just a radical thought but a truth. A complete truth that nobody ever told you. Not only did people not tell you this, but you were fed the exact opposite. You’re surrounded by messages telling you you’re not good enough and that you need to do this and that and change this and that.
And you believed those messages because they appeared to be true. You believed them and started thinking that if you changed enough, then maybe just maybe you’d be good enough.
None of that is true. We’re going to share why it’s untrue, and how to start radical self-acceptance.
This doesn’t mean you’ll throw out your goals list and that there aren’t real circumstances in your life that you’ll still want to change. The difference is your motivation will come from desire, not from the deep-seated needy, not-good-enough place it’s coming from right now.
So, today, right now, please stop wondering: what is wrong with me. Instead, internalize these life-affirming thoughts:
You’ve accomplished more than you think
Here’s an exercise for you. Write down all of your big, significant life accomplishments. The longer it takes you to think of a list, the more you need this exercise. You need this exercise to remind you of all that you’ve already done.
It’s so easy to praise others and yet forget our own achievements. Your achievements deserve your own self-acknowledgement, even more than they deserve acknowledgment from outside sources. Your opinion, thoughts, and feelings should be the most important in the world to you. Always.
Even if you wrote the list, I bet you left things off. Take a few more minutes to think of some more. Go ahead. You’ll feel better about yourself in just a matter of seconds.
You may need to keep a running list posted someplace you can see it regularly. It’s okay to remind yourself as much as needed.
You’re beating yourself up, and it’s pointless
Here’s another habit that can lead to you wondering what is wrong with me. So you’ve set goals that you haven’t met. You’ve gotten fired from a job. You’ve dropped out of school. Your last relationship(s) ended terribly etc. etc. For how long do you plan to stay in brooding?
At which point will you finally forgive yourself and say ‘that’s enough of that’ and move on? How about now. Yes, right now.
You know that cliché: there’s no time like the present? It’s popular for a reason. Yesterday is gone. You have no ownership over tomorrow (or even 10 minutes from now). All you have is this exact moment in time. How would you like to spend it? Beating yourself up over things that have long passed? Or, would you like to spend it standing firm in the now, the present, grounded and engaged with your life?
It’s your choice.
Choose wisely.
Comparisonitis is unhealthy
How we each choose to live our lives is subjective. It’s not comparable. If how we live seems not good enough to someone, that’s their 100 percent subjective opinion. There’s no litmus test on life living.
Some like to attempt to use money and things like fame as a barometer. Others attempt to use one’s impact on their community. Do you see how wide-ranging this is? Which counts more? It’s impossible to judge.
Each of us is wildly unique. So unique that it’s futile to compare each other. There’s no measurement or scale that would be sufficient. And thank goodness for that.
We don’t need to lead similar lives or think the same way or conform to a particular behavior. That would make us uniform. And who wants that? Do you? I didn’t think so.
So, stop comparing yourself. Let go of the ideal you’re holding in your mind of what your life/body/hair/wardrobe/mate should look like. This ideal is what is making you question yourself and your self worth. The ideal is unrealistic and is based on a fantasy that has been sold to you. And it isn’t even the real ideal. The ideal version of yourself cannot be determined by someone else (say, magazines/television/etc.).
You’re comparing what you have to what doesn’t even exist in your reality. That’s magical thinking, and it’s unhealthy. It will make you feel miserable with self-loathing. This is how you feel when you’re wondering what is wrong with me. And it’s never a good feeling. In fact, it will trap you in a cycle of negativity that’s hard to pull away from.
You’re already worthy, even if you do nothing
Here’s something you may have never heard before: there’s nothing you need to do to be worthy. Absolutely nothing. If you accomplish nothing more in your life, you’ll still be worthy. The moment you took your first breath of life, you were worthy and that worthiness didn’t diminish or increase over the course of your lifespan. There was nothing that you needed to do throughout your life to become worthy. Worthiness isn’t a goal, it’s a state of being that exists from birth. This means that you there’s absolutely nothing wrong with you. You can choose to put an end to the never-ending cycle of feeling not quite good enough.
The idea that fuels the what is wrong with me thinking is fed when you keep telling yourself that story. Sure you have down days, you make mistakes, you feel different than people around you. All of that may be true. That still doesn’t mean that those things are wrong.
Instead of wondering: what is wrong with me, start accepting and loving yourself exactly as you are. Do the things that bring you joy, acknowledge yourself for your accomplishments, be kind and gentle with yourself. Forgive yourself for things that didn’t go as planned or things you shouldn’t have said or done. These things are proof of life, not proof of inadequacies. Life is always rife with experiences that don’t turn out perfect. Stop blaming yourself for them. It’s unhealthy and pointless. While you are in that state of mind, you miss out on what’s good and enjoyable in your life. There’s nothing wrong with you at all. Stop believing the myth that you aren’t worthy of acceptance, acknowledgment, love. None of that is true.
There’s nothing wrong with you at all. Stop believing the myth that you aren’t worthy of acceptance, acknowledgment, love. None of that is true.
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